Annie Maggard

“I’m pre-partying. For the inauguration.”

I took a road trip to Wyoming. The drive was bright and gusty and wide-open. I was greeted at Carpe Diem Ranch by two slobbering dogs and one beautiful Morgan. There was a giant moon, steak, beers, jukeboxes, a plethora of stuffed and mounted mammals. We were full. The next morning, everything was sharp and cold and sunny. We explored old traincars and attics, loitered. More sky phenomena and, on the drive home, the best darkness I’ve seen in awhile. Every weekend should be so clear.

• Me: ewwwww my pants smell like the trailhead!!!
• Catherine: words i never wanted to hear.

The first installment of a regular “top three list” feature on anniemaggard.com.

Disclaimer: This is an entirely unscientific and totally biased review, based solely on the stores’ proximity to our house, selection of cheap wines for my wino roommate, availability of random cheap beer and/or malt liquor that I decide to embarrass myself by buying, and funny interactions we’ve had with the cashiers.

1) Rich’s Aggie Discount Liquors
The atmosphere of this store makes it our favorite. It has a super-tacky flashing marquee, a rent-a-cop at the door, and several shopping carts full of $3.99 bottles of wine. There are also many neon signs made from posterboard. It’s basically everything you could want from a cheap-ass liquor store. It’s farther from our house than the other two, but that’s okay because there are bike lanes in every direction, we have backpacks, and we like to take field trips. Did I mention it’s shaped like a triangle and straddles three streets?

2) Saddle-Up Liquors
This liquor store makes it onto my list primarily because of its wide selection of unpopular beverages. It is also conveniently located next to King Sooper’s, where Catherine and I make our Friday afternoon grocery expeditions. They have Busch’s camo-can beer more often than the other two stores, and are one of the few stores in town to carry American Spirit Menthol Lights (not that I need those anymore… ahem). And they have a pretty nice choice of 40’s and cheap whiskey. Lots of weird old men congregate there. Also, the cashier knows our names and makes fun of everything we buy. Also it’s called “Saddle-Up.”

3) Campus West Liquor Depot
This one is all about location. We don’t even really like this store that much, but it is technically the closest one to our house. This is important because my roommate often forbids me from driving to places less than a mile from our house, and I don’t like walking. We also think it’s owned by the same people as Aggie Discount, due to the preponderance of very neon signs urging me to buy things I don’t even want, like wine. They sell O’dell pint glasses that we plan to stock our kitchen with once we get tired of stealing them from bars. Don’t worry, that will never happen. But we will still buy our liquor there because it makes the most sense, evolutionarily speaking, to expend the least calories possible when procuring one’s alcohol.

This concludes my inaugural top three list. Please enjoy responsibly. Map of the aforementioned awesome liquor stores here.

Wine.

I’ve tried many varieties on many occasions, which have always led me to the same conclusion:

It still sucks.

“I don’t drink and drive because I don’t want to accidentally kill someone. If I kill someone, it’s going to be on purpose.”

“I know Surfside has good pizza because I saw it on my credit card bill once.”

“Fuck hummus gyros. If it’s not full of dead baby sheep, I don’t want it.”

\Song of the Day\ Atmosphere - Hair

…. Don’t drink and drive, kids.