Typing things into Google to see what the majority of America is searching.


To give an example (because this all started when I was trying to identify a bird), “what kind of b-” yields the following, in order:

what kind of blackberry does obama have?

what kind of bug is this?

what kind of bees make milk?

what kind of bear is best?


Or, for some stark commentary on the state of sex education and women’s healthcare, try typing “can you get,” which will result in, beginning with the most popular search:

can you get pregnant on your period?

can you get pregnant right after your period?

can you get pregnant right before your period?

can you get your period and still be pregnant?

can you get pregnant if he pulls out? 

can you get pregnant if he fingers you?

can you get pregnant on birth control?

….and so on and so forth.


I’m sure terrified 17-year-olds are cleaning out their browser caches as we speak, and that’s all fine and good, but is it seriously the only thing we’re doing with the incredible investigative capacity of Google? I’d begin to worry about the imagination of of the American people, if it weren’t for a search of the top three burning “what are” questions, which results, interestingly enough, in:

what are the primary colors?

what are capers?

what are the seven deadly sins?


Another amusing one is “what exactly” because you’re factoring in a demographic that would actually type “what exactly” into a search engine. I like to do these in my best Mayberry twang:

what exactly is a firework?

what exactly is in the stimulus package?

what exactly did madoff do?

what exactly is the ides of march?

what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?


I’ll also admit that I got excited a few times when the results seemed random and interesting - the most popular search phrase starting with “the” is “the poems of pablo neruda”?! The most common “how to tell” is “how to tell if your bike pedals are 1/2 or 9/16”?!?  Oh, wait. Google saved my searches at the top. The rest of America wants to know more about “The Bachelor” and “how to tell if a guy likes you.”